Family Feud: When Christians Fight Instead of Following Christ's Mission
When Jesus walked with His disciples, He repeatedly tried to share the bigger picture of His mission - that He would die, be betrayed, and rise again in three days. Yet instead of focusing on this monumental revelation, the disciples found themselves arguing about which one of them would be the greatest. This pattern reveals a timeless struggle that continues in churches today.
The Problem of Sibling Rivalry in the Church
Missing the Mission While Fighting for Position
In Mark 9:30-37, we see Jesus explaining His upcoming death and resurrection to His disciples. Their response? They completely missed the point and began arguing about greatness. This wasn't an isolated incident - it happened repeatedly throughout Jesus' ministry.
The same dynamic occurs in Matthew 20, where James and John's mother approached Jesus asking for her sons to have the places of honor in His kingdom. Again, this happened right after Jesus had detailed His coming suffering and death. The other ten disciples became angry - not because they were concerned about Jesus, but because they wanted those positions for themselves.
You Were Born Again Into a Family, Not Solitude
Many Christians today say things like "I love Jesus, but I hate the church." This perspective is fundamentally incompatible with biblical faith. You cannot love Christ while hating the thing He died to create. The church is called the bride of Christ - imagine telling someone you respect them but hate their spouse.
When you're born again, you're not born into an individual faith journey. You're adopted into a family. Scripture tells us that those who do the will of the Father are Christ's true family members. The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.
What Does Spiritual Maturity Look Like?
The Mark of God's Children is Humility
In Matthew 18, when the disciples asked Jesus who was greatest in the kingdom of heaven, He called a small child to stand among them. He explained that unless we become humble like little children, we cannot enter the kingdom of heaven.
Why did Jesus choose a child as His example? Children depend completely on others for care, protection, and provision. They cannot survive without outside help and must trust their parents completely. Jesus was teaching that spiritual greatness comes through humility - depending on God like a child depends on their parents.
The world measures greatness by climbing over others and demanding recognition. In God's kingdom, greatness is measured by how low you're willing to go in service to others. Jesus demonstrated this perfectly by leaving His throne in heaven to serve humanity, ultimately giving His life on the cross.
How Sibling Rivalry Shows Up in Churches
Christian sibling rivalry typically manifests in four ways:
In Mark 9:30-37, we see Jesus explaining His upcoming death and resurrection to His disciples. Their response? They completely missed the point and began arguing about greatness. This wasn't an isolated incident - it happened repeatedly throughout Jesus' ministry.
The same dynamic occurs in Matthew 20, where James and John's mother approached Jesus asking for her sons to have the places of honor in His kingdom. Again, this happened right after Jesus had detailed His coming suffering and death. The other ten disciples became angry - not because they were concerned about Jesus, but because they wanted those positions for themselves.
You Were Born Again Into a Family, Not Solitude
Many Christians today say things like "I love Jesus, but I hate the church." This perspective is fundamentally incompatible with biblical faith. You cannot love Christ while hating the thing He died to create. The church is called the bride of Christ - imagine telling someone you respect them but hate their spouse.
When you're born again, you're not born into an individual faith journey. You're adopted into a family. Scripture tells us that those who do the will of the Father are Christ's true family members. The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.
What Does Spiritual Maturity Look Like?
The Mark of God's Children is Humility
In Matthew 18, when the disciples asked Jesus who was greatest in the kingdom of heaven, He called a small child to stand among them. He explained that unless we become humble like little children, we cannot enter the kingdom of heaven.
Why did Jesus choose a child as His example? Children depend completely on others for care, protection, and provision. They cannot survive without outside help and must trust their parents completely. Jesus was teaching that spiritual greatness comes through humility - depending on God like a child depends on their parents.
The world measures greatness by climbing over others and demanding recognition. In God's kingdom, greatness is measured by how low you're willing to go in service to others. Jesus demonstrated this perfectly by leaving His throne in heaven to serve humanity, ultimately giving His life on the cross.
How Sibling Rivalry Shows Up in Churches
Christian sibling rivalry typically manifests in four ways:
- Comparison - Wanting to be noticed for what you do, how much you know, or how spiritual you are. Like children crying for parental attention, some believers compete for recognition within the church.
- Competition - Thinking you have something to prove to other Christians, trying to establish your spiritual superiority or importance.
- Criticism - Bickering over differences of opinion and attacking others for doing things differently than you would. Often what we call "wrong" is simply different from our preferences.
- Unforgiveness - Harboring resentment, keeping records of wrongs, and refusing to forgive other believers. This makes us sound more like Satan (the accuser of the brethren) than like our heavenly Father.
How Should Christians Handle Conflict?
The Biblical Process for Resolving Disputes
Matthew 18:15-17 gives us a clear process for handling conflicts with other believers:
Forgiven People Forgive People
When Peter asked Jesus how many times he should forgive someone - suggesting seven times might be generous - Jesus responded with "seventy times seven." His point wasn't to give an exact number but to emphasize that forgiveness should be limitless.
We don't forgive others because they deserve it. We forgive because God has forgiven us of far more than anyone could ever do to us. How many times have you offended God? How many times have you turned your back on Him? Yet He remains faithful to forgive when we confess and repent.
Forgiveness doesn't mean putting yourself in dangerous situations or pretending nothing happened. It means releasing the penalty and choosing not to harbor evil toward the person who hurt you. The relationship can be fully restored when there's genuine repentance, but forgiveness can be extended regardless.
Matthew 18:15-17 gives us a clear process for handling conflicts with other believers:
- Step 1: Go Privately - If someone has wronged you, go directly to them first. Don't tell others about the offense before addressing it with the person involved.
- Step 2: Bring Witnesses - If the private conversation doesn't resolve the issue, take one or two mature believers with you to try again.
- Step 3: Involve Church Leadership - Only after the first two steps have failed should you bring the matter to church leaders.
Forgiven People Forgive People
When Peter asked Jesus how many times he should forgive someone - suggesting seven times might be generous - Jesus responded with "seventy times seven." His point wasn't to give an exact number but to emphasize that forgiveness should be limitless.
We don't forgive others because they deserve it. We forgive because God has forgiven us of far more than anyone could ever do to us. How many times have you offended God? How many times have you turned your back on Him? Yet He remains faithful to forgive when we confess and repent.
Forgiveness doesn't mean putting yourself in dangerous situations or pretending nothing happened. It means releasing the penalty and choosing not to harbor evil toward the person who hurt you. The relationship can be fully restored when there's genuine repentance, but forgiveness can be extended regardless.
Love and Unity: Our Testimony to the World
What Proves We Belong to Christ
Jesus said in John 13:35, "Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples." It's not our perfect theology, impressive programs, or moral superiority that convinces the world we belong to Christ. It's how we love each other.
In John 17, Jesus prayed for all future believers, asking that we would be one just as He and the Father are one. This unity serves a specific purpose: "so that the world will believe that you sent me." Our love and unity create a mystery that points people to Christ.
The Church is a Hospital for the Sick
The world doesn't need a perfect church - and it's a good thing, because the church is full of imperfect people serving a perfect Christ. We're not a community of perfect people but a hospital for the sick, a place where broken people find healing in Jesus.
When we take our focus off ourselves and our petty disagreements and place it where it belongs - on Christ - we can find unity in Him despite our imperfections.
Jesus said in John 13:35, "Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples." It's not our perfect theology, impressive programs, or moral superiority that convinces the world we belong to Christ. It's how we love each other.
In John 17, Jesus prayed for all future believers, asking that we would be one just as He and the Father are one. This unity serves a specific purpose: "so that the world will believe that you sent me." Our love and unity create a mystery that points people to Christ.
The Church is a Hospital for the Sick
The world doesn't need a perfect church - and it's a good thing, because the church is full of imperfect people serving a perfect Christ. We're not a community of perfect people but a hospital for the sick, a place where broken people find healing in Jesus.
When we take our focus off ourselves and our petty disagreements and place it where it belongs - on Christ - we can find unity in Him despite our imperfections.
Recent
Archive
2025
March
April
September
2024
September
October
November
No Comments